Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Training Children With Double Standards

This is a delicate subject to talk about and yet it's so important that it could affect positively or negatively the very lives of our children.

What does it mean to train children with double standards? It means that one parent in a family has his own set of rules for training the children while the other parent has another set of rules for training the same children.

That in itself might not be so bad. What will give concern is when a parent openly (by openly, I  mean in front of the children), disagrees with the other parent about his method of training.

This occurs more often than not in many homes. And in most cases, it is usually the wife that feels that their child is being overpunished over some matter which could have been resolved by mere scolding or even a milder punishment.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

Though as a mother, it is hard to stand by while your child is being given what you think is an unfair treatment even if it is by his own dad. I know because i've had cause to believe my husband was being unfair to the children in dishing out punishment.

However, the worst thing you can ever do is to make your child know that are not pleased with your husband or  your wife's handling of the discipline of a child.

No matter how displeased you are with the method of discipline your spouse chooses, never allow your child to be aware of your displeasure.

Whatever you have to say in your child's defence must wait until your child is no more there. Better still, wait till you get into your bedroom before you discuss it.

Ironically, this is actually for the child's sake.

Immediately a child senses, that his parents are not in agreement over how to discipline or train him, he begins to try to pitch one parent against the other to favour himself.

Such a child will lose respect for the two parents, and since he doesn't know who is right among the two parents, he would not obey anyone and he would eventually end up getting no discipline at all.

A child whose parents always appear to put up a united front on how to discipline their child would have sent a message to their child on what is accepted and not accepted from him in the home on issues of discipline.

Such a child is likely to accept and obey the rules that his parents have laid down without any problems.

Certainly, there are many other issues related to discipline.

But if we are able to address this issue of parental unity, it is guaranteed that we would have eliminated one of the major problems that parents encounter in trying to deal with the issue of discipline in their children.


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