Child Abuse

For those who are not too clear about the meaning of this topic, child abuse means any thing done to a child, physically, sexually, or mentally that could cause emotional or psychological damage to that child, temporarily or permanently. 

This could be in the form of beatings, rape, sexual assault, child trafficking, forced child labor or other forms.

In years past, child abuse was a real menace in many homes. This was because many families that needed extra help around the house got housemaids. Unfortunately, most times, these maids were seen more like slaves than helps and treated as such.

But in recent years, child abuse has received a lot of attention from the media, societal organisations, non governmental organisations and even the government. This has made many countries to ban child abuse in any form.

Unfortunately, despite laws in place, you still find people that abuse children on a daily basis even in their homes.

There is this neighbour of mine who has a girl of about twelve years old living with her as a house help.

This girl is constantly beaten by the woman who is supposed to be her guardian.

I have tried to ignore these beatings but I found that I could not. Sometimes the girl's cries as she is being beaten is heard throughout the day. I have taken to including the girl in my prayers. I just hope the woman does not kill her one of these days.

My husband said he would confront her, but I have a dilemma:

First, is the fact that not only is this woman our neighbor, but she has become a good friend of the family. Won't telling her about her actions mar the relationship between us?

Secondly, and more importantly, if we tell her, won't we worsen things for the girl? After all, it is the girl and not we that are living with the woman.

There are many ways to deal with a child that can cause even more emotional and psychological damage than beating. She could even accuse the girl of  having reported to us or something. And of course, make life more miserable for her.

My husband is still planning to confront her and I have no choice but to agree with him since I don't know what else we can do. But still...

Any suggestions would be welcome.

Fatou.

I'm back!

Hi everybody. After over a year of not hearing from me, I'm sure you must be wondering what happened.

There were some technical issues with the off line magazine that I used to write children articles for which needed to be sorted out.

But I'm glad to say that it has all been sorted out and now I'm back.

Today, we're going to be talking about 'Humiliating Children'.

I got the title for this week's blog from a scene I personally witnessed in my sons' high school.

I had gone for the end of term report of my two sons and while I sat in front of the class teacher of my younger son, discussing his result, we suddenly noticed a woman a few tables from ours scolding  her daughter.

Apparently, the daughter hadn't done well in this term's report and the mother wasn't too pleased especially as the class teacher told her that the girl had suddenly acquired new friends in another class and these group of  friends had influenced her negatively.

Of course, no parent is pleased to hear this type of news. But what really set me off was when the woman suddenly started beating her daughter of thirteen years in the public glare of the principal, vice principal, all the teachers, and the students.

I watched as she continued beating her daughter, screaming at her at the top of her voice, berating her for not facing what she was sent to school for which of course was to get good grades, and generally disgracing not only her daughter but herself as well.

At the end, she told her to go to the top of the podium in front of the hall and kneel down there till she came to meet her to decide what next to do to her.

The first feeling I had was shame. I was ashamed of a parent that felt that this was the only way to handle failure in her child. And then I felt anger. Anger for the way the woman had treated her daughter or better still bullied her daughter.

No one, as far as I'm concerned should ever be humiliated this way. No one! Especially not a child.

Unfortunately, many parents don't know how to handle their children when they're not living up to their expectations. Rather, they make things worse.

In my next blog, I'll tell you why you should never humiliate your kids and how to replace humiliation with the right tools that will yield positive results in your children.

fatou.

Parenting and Children is Going Interactive

No two people on earth are ever the same. It is therefore no surprise that every child is different. Even children that are born to the same parents are different. For example, one child might be an extrovert while the other child is a complete introvert.

Our survey shows that parents have different issues they need answers to concerning their children. And one parent’s issues at any point in time may not necessarily be another’s.

This is why Parenting and Children has decided to go interactive. By this, parents will be allowed to write, or call in to ask any questions or express any concerns they have about their children’s well being.

Whether your concerns for your child/ren are medical, psychological, behavioural or social in nature, we encourage parents to get across to the Parenting and Children column for solutions and answers to these problems. We on our part promise to always try to give you the best answer possible to the best of our ability.

Below are replies to questions posed by two parents last week:

“I’m on exclusive breastfeeding. I’m surprised that just after 4 months I got pregnant again. I was told that exclusive breastfeeding of a baby is a contraceptive on its own and the mother will not get pregnant. It actually worked for my sister who has two children. Why didn’t it work for me? (Yetunde, Lagos)

This is an issue which many mothers need to know about. First time mothers are especially prone to this mistake. It is true that exclusive breastfeeding is a kind of contraceptive for a nursing mother, but as in most things that has to do with the body, it depends on the type of body.

There are some women who are very fertile and such women might have to use some other form of family planning in other not to get pregnant. Even when a woman is just normally fertile, she can still be at risk of getting pregnant during exclusive breastfeeding.

There are nursing mothers who have been reported to get pregnant again as early as two months after the birth of a baby. My advise therefore is that any woman that is nursing a baby whether exclusive or not should get herself on family planning as soon as possible after birth to avoid any unforeseen circumstances. “

Dear columnist, I need advise on an issue. One of my children seems not to have interest in his studies. He hates reading, has a short attention span and can’t concentrate on reading or writing for long. His grades are always low and his position in class is average to low.

What makes it worse is that his sister is the exact opposite. She has very excellent grades in school and has always come out tops in her class. She is one of the stars in the school. This issue bothers me because my son is the first child. What can I do since he’ll be enrolling for WAEC and JAMB next year and I don’t want him to fail. (Mrs Igwe, Lagos)

I sympathise with you Mrs Igwe and understand your concerns for your child. Even though you did not tell me the age of the boy, I can guess he should be in his teens (probably between 15 – 17 years) since you said he’ll be writing WAEC next year.

At this age if you have not noticed any specific talents in him, you would have noticed that there are some things he particularly likes. For example is he very good with computer or music, or does he like to repair things in the house or do some engineering things?

Perhaps if you could make him see how his grades can help him to pursue his dream, then you may get better results from him. For example if he likes to repair electrical things in the house. Make him understand that for him to learn how to do this better he has to get into the university or polytechnic. And for him to achieve this, he needs to put more effort into his math and physics. Because without passing those two subjects and at least 3 others he will not be admitted.

However, I would like to implore you not to abuse, insult or underrate him. And above all never compare him to his sister. This is because, it has been proven over and over again, not only in Nigeria but all over the world that it is not always high grades in school that makes a child succeed as an adult. Just look at Bill Gates.

Your child may not have high grades but may be talented in other ways. Your job as a parent is to look for those talents, and encourage your child to harness it in other to locate his glorious destiny. Good Luck!

Please make comments or ask your questions below or call 08052037371.  Happy parenting.

My Family Planning Ordeal

Hi,
It's been quite a while I wrote in this blog. For those of you who follow my blog, I am truly sorry.  I had a good reason though.

I went to my family planning clinic early December, 2011 to make a complaint about the IUD  they had inserted a year before.

For those of you who don't know what an IUD is, it is an acronym for Inserted Uterine Device.

The Inserted Uterine Device is a family planning method whereby a copper device is inserted into a woman to prevent her from getting pregnant. This method is said to have a 99% success rate.

I hadn't had any problems with it before. But for the past two months, I noticed that my menstrual flow had gotten heavier than usual.

I decided to go back to my family planning clinic to know whether it might be the IUD I had inserted that was causing it. If so, I wanted it removed.

But I was surprised to hear the nurse say she couldn't remove it. In fact she said that she couldn't even see it, which probably meant that it must have shifted from where it was supposed to be and moved farther into the uterus, (which also probably accounted for the heavy menstrual bleeding).

This singular statement resulted into a lot of activities throughout the month of December which led to my going from one hospital to another and from laboratory to laboratory looking for a solution to my problem. If not for God's divine intervention, I wouldn't have spent Christmas and New Year with my family. I would have been in hospital undergoing a major operation.

This story is a true testimony to the power of God and an eye opener for many like me who have little information about the pros and cons of family planning.

I now know that despite what they tell you at the clinic, family planning could actually cause a tragedy if you are not well informed.

I have written a free article concerning my ordeal. If you would like to read all about it, just send a text message with your name and email address to 234-0805-2037371.

In less than 24 hours, you will receive the article. If you are a woman reading this, send your text to me now! This article is especially for you.

I'm happy to say that I am hale and hearty now, but at what cost? All the same, I thank God. It was a real miracle.

I'll be back soon, but before then, I'll be expecting your text message.

Fati.